Google: Jesus is a Blogger

Blogs are everywhere. Everyone seems to have a blog.

When, eventually, everyone has a blog, Jesus will be one of them.

I'm not a Christian, by the way, at least in any formal sense. But I am fascinated by the idea of a second-coming of some sort, where a prophet rises again, although perhaps in some metaphorical sense. People are searching for leadership right now, and false prophets are everywhere. Every asshole with a blog thinks people should be listening to him. And eventually, I figure, there will be a few that wield considerable power and influence.

Blogs have become our brains on display.

So when the time comes that our saviour returns, you'd think he'd use His blog to reach the people. Television would naturally follow, but the message would have to start online. Only once He had a huge following, would a blogging Jesus put His face on TV. Blogging Jesus probably has poor posture and bloodshot eyes. Not to mention bad breath.

But I'm sure he cleans up nice enough.

So once people start listening online, he makes some appearances on television, and quickly becomes a Mega-Celebrity! A Celebrity of such proportions, no existing terms currently exist! All around the world would hail His influence and celebrate the joy he brings to the world. He would make us laugh, and make us see the world for how it truly is. He would point to truth, and we would all recognize it.

And the world would come together.

So, as some would dare speculate, and either the Anti-Christ and/or Jesus is walking around right now, I would suggest that Jesus has probably registered a Blogger account. Or one of these damn things. Maybe he's got a MySpace page!

Problem is with that theory, is that blogging isn't really an ideal medium for spreading the Word of God. Blogging seems to turn speech into writing, but is not fast enough. Only the best typists can type as fast as they can talk, so it is a necessarily slower process. But it's not like writing, either, because you don't edit nearly as much. So blogging also loosens the noose of proper grammer and spelling. If you've read many blogs, spelling mistakes are literally everywhere. And people accept it because they understand that people blog on the fly. People blog when they are inspired, and edit sparingly. This allows posts to be brilliant from time to time, but also makes for painful reading at other times if the blogger isn't good at what they do.

Blog posts would therefore tend to be more like speech than real writing. Writing that is destined for print has more stake in being consise and/or accurate. Blog posts are intended to incite an instant response, one that hopefully creates a valuable conversation. In theory, posts create a conversation in proportion to their value to the blogosphere. Good ideas get linked, bad ideas don't. Obviously in practice, it takes more than just good ideas, but also good presentation, including spelling and grammar, and other aspects of readability.

But most importantly posts must engage the reader in thought. If a blogger doesn't instantly connect with a post, you might as well give up. Blog posts aren't newspaper articles; you're not presenting a string of facts. You're presenting argument. If your reader falls asleep at line 10 it doesn't matter that you found God Almighty hidden in line 15. A really good way to instantly engage a reader is with humour. Nearly everyone laughs (those who don't are usually very sad people), so if you're funny, your chances of gaining a following are instantly higher.

So note to Jesus: When you start to blog, make sure you are:

1) funny (or engaging in other ways)
2) have something to say
3) consise (short and understandable)
4) around often

Basically, what we need bloggers to do is this: get to the point, make it good, funny if possible, and then let us go. We're more likely to comment if your point is good, because there's more we can add. And we will come back if you have good things to say.

Think of it this way, blogger-friend. Since you're going to be online pretty much every day, it's ok if you stink from time to time. You can make up for it afterwards. Look at Letterman, he's on 300 days a year, and he can stink for half of them and I still watch. So as long as you're as good as you think you are, and only as long as you deserve, I'll read your blog.